And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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