take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
