I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
