Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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