He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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