I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize