Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
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First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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