i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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