If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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