your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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