I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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