gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You're a waste of cheezeits
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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