i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
