yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Can you bring me the toilet please
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
