Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
