If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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