your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
