if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
