Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
