I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
