it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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