Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
