Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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