What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
