The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
