You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
