My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
