So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
