Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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