oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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