bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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