He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
