Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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