i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
