I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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