I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
