just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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