I'm drive I can fine osifer
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
