You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
