Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
