um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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