well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Can't talk, ducks in the car
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
