Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
