he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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