She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
