whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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