And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
