Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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