Pants 0. Shit 1.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
