Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
