im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
