She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
