I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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