Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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