You're completely useless in the revolution.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The beer is more important than you right now.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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