I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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