I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
