Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
