Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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