goodnight i made you a song goodbye
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
