mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
