The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
