dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
